Darkest Desires
by missunderst00d
Summary: What should have happened in Ch. 35 of The Awakening. Chloe realizes that she has feelings for Derek and...well, you'll see. Rated for language and possible lemons later on. Might just leave it an one-shot.
1. Chapter 1

**I don't own the characters or the original story. All Kelly Armstrong. Hope you guys like it! Please R&R!**

I was about to dab the blood off his face. You know, clean up the guy who was _actually_ in the fight. My hands were shaking a little as I reached up to him, but he grabbed the paper towel away from me, making me feel like a little kid.

As he was busy picking gravel out of his skin (with me definitely not paying attention to what he was doing), Derek asked, "Why would you care if I went with those guys? You'd be safe. You could easily get a bus ticket to see Simon. He'd never leave without you."

I turned my head to face him, even though he was concentrating on his own image in the bathroom mirror. Here was this boy – this scared, hurt, confused boy – who had been with me and wanted to help me ever since he'd met me at Lyle House. Sure, he was a pain in the ass every now and again, always getting on my case about things that I really couldn't control, but I'd never imagined being without him. I couldn't. It was like there was a magnet between us; no matter how far apart we were from each other, we'd always find our way back.

Not to mention that he needed me. My heart would rip to pieces if Derek ever had to go through the pain of his Change without me. He needed me to be there with him. Just to be there and sit with him and touch him, just to remind him that I was near. Not Simon, not Tori, not his disappeared adoptive father. Me, Chloe Saunders.

And as much as I hate to admit it, I need him too. Not in the same way that I needed Simon, and certainly not in the way that I needed Tori. Neither of them would be able to deal with this whole necromancy business, as evidenced by our little run-in with Mr. Homeless Man back in the city. Without Derek, I would never have the heart to practice. I'd try, but I'd be too scared. I just kind of figured that he'd always be there to help me.

Crazy, right? I met the guy less than a week ago.

"I could never let them take you because of me. I would die before I let that happen," I finally responded.

"But why?" he pushed, sounding less and less like the side of Derek I'd gotten to see alone and more and more like the side of Derek I see when we're around the others. "What could I possibly offer you that you would risk your life to save me?"

He looked up at me again, meeting my blue eyes with his deep, forest green ones. Our faces were closer than I'd realized they'd ever been. Something in my stomach flip-flopped. I don't think anyone has ever looked at me like that before, right in the eyes like they are really thinking something about me.

"You're-" Derek started, his expression softening. It seemed as though he thought his statement through again, then decided it wasn't something he'd wanted to disclose yet. He moved back from me and turned his attention back to his own face in the mirror.

"What? I'm what?" I asked him, prompting him.

"Nothing, just answer my question," he said gruffly.

Not thinking, I reached up and took his hands away from his face. Taking the paper towel and discarding it. His hands felt so strong in mine, like they could scoop me up as if I were as light as a feather (and let's face it, Derek could probably do that). He didn't look at me like he had before, though.

"Derek," I said softly.

"What?" he said, looking down at the placement of our hands.

"Derek, look at me."

Slowly, he lifted his eyes to meet mine only briefly. "There, happy?"

"No. Look at me," I repeated. The butterflies in my stomach were knocking harder than they ever had before. My heart was pounding worse than it was when we were confronted by the werewolves, which I was sure that he could hear.

He held my gaze like he had before. When I let go of his hands, he gave me a look of confusion, but then they found his face.

It may have been cheesy. I'd seen a million movie scenes like it before. The heroine reached up to touch the face of her hero right before she kisses him. But we weren't going to kiss. At least, I didn't think we were. We couldn't. I stroked his cheek a little with my thumb and he stood as still as a statue, his hands bracing himself on both sides of me while I was balancing on the side of the sink.

I realized that he was beautiful. Not in the traditionally good-looking way. His acne-covered face was a testament to the fact that he hadn't hit puberty with the airs and graces that some guys do. But he was beautiful in his strength, mentally and physically. And his heart…his heart was strong too. Stronger than mine, which was, consequentially, threatening to bang its way out of my chest.

"What do you see in me?" he whispered quietly. "How can you stand to be around me?"

"B-b-because I…I…"

I wanted to tell him so badly. Tell him what, I wasn't quite sure. That I cared about him? Too cheesy. And he knew that. He should know that. I think he knows that. But what did it matter? I was mute. I couldn't say anything. The only thing I was able to do at that moment was stare into his eyes. I'm pretty sure I couldn't even breathe properly.

He sighed much more deeply than I'd ever heard anyone sigh before. I could tell that the analytical wheels in his brain were chugging at five thousand miles per hour. He was going to turn away from me. Any second. And the moment would be lost forever; the moment that I actually felt like I could be with Derek and things would be okay.

He did. He started to turn away but I just couldn't let it happen. My heart was protesting too much. I suppose it helped that my hands were already on his face. I turned him back toward me and I kissed him. Just like that. I stretched up to him and I brushed my lips against his for a few seconds. As soon as there was space between us, I knew that I wanted to do it again. And again and again and again.

I stretched again, my hands now behind his neck, but he gently pushed me back. He didn't feel the same way. I was such an idiot. My cheeks burned red and I had to make a conscious effort not to let the tear behind my eyelid fall out.

Neither of us were looking at each other. "I-I'm s-s-sorry," I stammered out, trying to sound cool and confident, even though I felt like running and crying. My charade would have worked, too, if that damn tear hadn't escaped.

When I apologized, Derek looked at me and saw it running down my cheek because I didn't have the good sense to wipe it away before he could see it. "Oh, god Chloe. No, it's not like that," he said softly, reaching up to wipe the tear with his big thumb.

"I-i-it's okay, Derek," I said.

"No, you don't understand. I want to kiss you, I just can't kiss you. Just in case," he said. I had absolutely no idea what he was talking about. I guess it showed on my face because he added, "You know, they call it 'swapping spit.' Werewolf, remember? I don't want to infect you."

"Oh," I said plainly.

"Chloe, I feel…I think…Well, you and me-"

I put a finger on his lips to shut him up. I looked back into his eyes, telling him that he didn't have to say anything out loud. I knew. I felt it too. We were bound together by a magnet. Maybe it's different than the magnet I thought earlier, but maybe there was just something that I was missing before. Either way, I wanted to be as close to him as possible. And believe me, I mean as _close_ as possible.

I stretched once more, but not for his face. This time, I was aiming for his neck. I kissed it like I saw so many women kiss their lovers in the movies. I took my time, focusing where his neck was connected to his head and following it over to his jugular.

Under my lips, I could feel his breathing become more ragged. He put his arms around me, locking me to him (which I was not about to complain about). "What are you doing, Chloe?" he asked in a husky voice.

"I'm kissing you in safer places," I said, kissing him on the neck between each word I spoke.

"Safer for who?" he asked, with a short laugh. I don't think I'd ever heard him laugh before that. I made a mental note that I would have to make him laugh again in the near future.

Letting out a stream of curses, he said, "We have to go. We're going to miss our bus."

Complaining with a groan, I said, "Already?" in the best little-kid voice I could muster.

Grinning, he picked me up off the counter and set me on my feet. Making sure I was steadied, he took my hand and led me outside where we boarded the bus that would bring us back to Simon and Tori. A bus that would maybe bring us one step closer to figuring out where Simon's dad had disappeared to, but also a bus that would maybe bring us one step closer to figuring out ourselves and what we were capable of. We just had to hope that Andrew had some answers.

Derek walked us to the back corner, very secluded from the other few people scattered in the seats. As I began to sit down in the seat next to him, he said, "Why are you sitting so far away? I don't bite." He pat his lap.

I'm not the type of girl who goes for this sort of thing. Normally. Seriously, I'm not. But this offer was just too perfect to give up. I nearly jumped out of my seat and nestled myself against him.

He was so tall that I could sit comfortably on his lap without our heads bumping into each other. Again, I stretched to kiss the underside of his chin. He moved away slightly before I could plant any more. "My turn."

I sat as still as I possibly could while he pecked my forehead, then both of my cheeks. But when he bent down to kiss my neck, I knew it was over. I couldn't contain myself. I began to squirm in delight; not in the way that little kids squirm, but in the way that a woman does in a movie when she wants to create some kind of friction between her and her lover.

When he began sucking on my earlobe, I let out a low moan. I wasn't even aware that it came from me or that I was capable of making a noise like that. But Derek heard it. (Damn supersonic hearing…) He heard it and he knew he found my weak spot. He just kept sucking and sucking and sucking and I moved my butt down against him with more force.

Now, I've had anatomy class. I know what happens when boys get happy. But never in a billion, zillion years did I ever imagine that I would have that effect on anybody. To feel that I had that effect on Derek – seemingly unfeeling, unmoving Derek – was incredible. It was a self-esteem booster, that's for sure.

Not only was it a self-esteem booster, but it made me want more. A lot more. I was craving his touch like a madwoman. Maybe if Lyle House was really for crazy people, I belonged there for this, not for necromancy.

I turned around in the seat so that I was no longer sitting on his lap, but kneeling to face him. He bent to attack my ear again, but I brushed him away. I had other things in mind. He had already taken off his sweatshirt in the bathroom and I was now determined to get his shirt off, too.

I would have never admitted it before this moment, but I found his chiseled chest extremely attractive. The first night I had seen it, when he came out of his room in only his boxers, I thought he was the most stunning thing that had ever graced this planet, looks-wise. I was still convinced he was a jackass then, though, so my thoughts dissipated as soon as he opened his mouth to mock me or tell me off.

When I reached for the hem of his shirt, it was his turn to brush me away. "Not here," he whispered. "Not now."

I tried to hide my disappointment by avoiding his eyes, but he lifted my chin so that I was looking at him. "Not never, just not here."

"But…you're," I took time to clear my throat, "ready."

Derek turned scarlet, looking extremely embarrassed. "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-" I began to apologize.

"No, I'm sorry," Derek interrupted. "I should have better control."

"I wish you didn't," I said. Taking a moment to step back and think about what I had just said, I realized how slutty it sounded. How slutty I was being. How positively unlike me all of this was. But it never occurred to me to stop. And then I realized something.

I loved Derek.


	2. Chapter 2

**Again, I own nothing. And I wouldn't be continuing this if not for you guys. So keep reading and responding. It makes me feel important ;) Be advised, there is a lemon! Lots of love!**

The rest of the bus ride was completely uneventful. I rearranged myself on Derek's lap so I was comfortable and laid my head on his chest. I hate to admit it, but I was completely exhausted. Now that the adrenaline in my body was quieting down, I was able to get the first good hour or two of sleep that I'd had in days. I guess I was just really calm and safe with Derek so close.

I hadn't even woken up when the bus stopped. Derek had to wake me. He pulled a strand of my poorly-dyed black hair away from my neck and gently kissed me. "Time to go," he whispered, giving my neck another quick peck before straightening himself again.

I grumbled, turning back into his chest. I was not ready for our little adventure to be over. Sure, I was ready to get back to a nice hot shower and a comfy bed, but that also meant dealing with Tori. And Simon. How could I face Simon after this? How could I tell him that I'd chosen his werewolf brother over him? I doubt he'd ever had to deal with that before.

"It'll be alright," Derek said, almost like he was reading my mind. "Come on, tiny."

He picked me up off his lap and set me on the floor of the bus in front of him. My legs were a little wobbly from sitting so long and they threatened to give out. Derek's strong hands remained firmly on my hips, which was both helpful and distracting while I tried to regain my balance.

He gave a short laugh, then stood behind me. Taking my hand, he led me up the aisle and out of the bus. The sun was just starting to show on the horizon and the sky was a deep crimson with puffy white clouds scattered in the atmosphere.

A movie scene played out in my head. Girl and boy exit bus. Girl and boy look to the sky. Girl and boy hold hands and walk into the horizon, never stopping to look back. Girl and boy live happily ever after. It sounded so wonderful and it was something that I'd been yearning for all of my life. Now, here with Derek, it might be a possibility.

Then I remembered that we were on the run from the Edison Group, that I was only fifteen, and that Derek and I only confessed our feelings for each other last night. Damn.

I felt Derek slowly stroking the back of my hand to calm me. The contact was very welcome, but it didn't seem to be enough for me. I went on worrying and wondering what our future might hold.

"You know, I hear if you keep making that face, it will stick that way," Derek joked as he cupped my cheek with his free hand. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I'm fine," I lied, dismissing him with a wave of my hand. I still had my worries, but I knew I had to hide them from him. If I didn't, he'd be all up-in-arms and I didn't want anything like that to ruin the last few minutes we had alone together. "Just thinking."

"About what?" he asked in his too-damn-sexy deep voice.

"Not about _that_. Although I must admit that _that_ would be a very nice thing to be thinking about," I said, flirting back as best as I could.

Without warning, Derek scooped me up into his arms and carried me like a man would carry his bride over the threshold of their house. I felt so small in his arms. He was so big, tall, and strong and what was I? Small, bony, and weak. The definition of awkward. And useless. _And he thinks that he's a burden_, I thought, scoffing to myself.

"Do you think Simon and Tori will miss us if our little adventure took another, say, twenty-four hours?" he asked, looking down into my eyes.

"I don't know," I answered, even though they probably would. "Why?"

A small, devilish grin spread across his face, lighting up those forest green eyes that I loved so much, even when he was changing. "There's a little inn a couple of blocks from the house. It's nothing much, but Dad used to take me and Simon there when we were visiting Andrew. Maybe we could spend one more night together," he said, but quickly added, "If you want."

"_Of course_ I want, Derek. But how would we pay for it? We barely had enough money to afford bus tickets out here and now we're flat broke," I said, hating to be the bearer of bad news.

For a second, he looked annoyed with me. But it's not like I wouldn't jump at the chance under normal circumstances. Well, okay, under normal circumstances, Derek and I never would have met and we'd certainly not be checking into a bed and breakfast together. That's beside the point.

"My dad has an account there. We just have to check in under his name and it'll draw from his account," he explained, his face softening again.

"Oh," I replied weakly. Not because I didn't want to go with him. Good god, I did. So bad. So, so bad. That's why it was weak. Because the moment I knew it could be a reality, I began picturing everything that we could do – and might do – alone together and it was beautiful.

"Oh?" he said, looking down at me skeptically. The light that was in his eyes a few seconds ago was gone, replaced with a dark, disappointed glow. "We don't have to if you don't-"

I put my finger on his mouth to stop him before he said anything completely idiotic. Of course I wanted to. I'd already told him that. "Oh as in, 'Oh my god, can you walk any faster to get us there?'"

The corners of his mouth once again tugged up and his eyes sparkling again, he began to walk faster. "Anything for you, Chloe," he chuckled.

"You know, you don't have to carry me," I said, laughing with him. "People might notice us."

"But this is much more efficient. You are rather slow," he retorted jokingly.

He walked us a couple of blocks from the bus station, but we had only passed a handful of houses. From the looks of it, this town was as spread out as it could be. People would have to walk five minutes just to get to their neighbor's homes. It seemed like a place with a lot of privacy, perfect for someone trying to slip under the radar of the Edison Group. Andrew Carson had good taste.

After a half hour of comfortable silence tucked into Derek's chest, we finally arrived at the inn. The three-story yellow house was surrounded by bushes that were covered in a layer of frost. "I wish you could have seen it in the summer. There's a lot of flowers, usually," Derek said. "I'm going to put you down now, okay?"

I nodded silently as he lowered my legs to stand me up. As soon as my feet were on the hard gravel driveway, Derek offered me his hand and began to walk toward the front door. I followed as soon as I gathered my wits about me. Catching up meant jogging a few paces, though, and me and jogging aren't very good friends. I took two steps and tripped over my own feet and fell flat on my face.

"Ouch," I said quietly, pushing myself up onto my knees, brushing the gravel off of the palms of my hands. They stung a little and upon further inspection, I realized that some of the gravel had broken skin.

"You're bleeding!" Derek said, immediately at my side. I'd hoped to avoid his notice and go on as if nothing was wrong. Yeah, that's not easy when Derek decides to go all wolf-boy. Supersonic hearing and smelling? Check.

"It's nothing. Just a little scrape," I insisted. He took my hand anyways, inspecting it for himself.

"Let's get inside. You have to clean this up before it gets infected," he said, walking with his arm around me, guiding me to the door.

The interior of the house was covered in light green floral wallpaper. It was pleasant enough, almost like a real house that people actually lived in, not one of those tacky themed places I'd heard about so many times. There weren't any random cuckoo clocks on the wall and there weren't any stuffed cats that I could see. Derek was right, the place was nice.

He was right about something else, too. As soon as we'd walked in the door, a middle-aged man greeted him with a booming voice. "Derek! So nice to see you! Are your father and brother unloading the car?"

"Hey Mr. Porter. Dad and Simon aren't actually here this time. I'm kind of here with a friend," he explained to the man. "But my dad said that I should just ask you to check me in under his name and to put it on his tab."

"A friend, huh?" the man said, smiling brightly, looking me over as he walked behind a counter. Then, under his breath, he added, "Oh, to be young."

A few clicks of the mouse later and Mr. Porter had found a room for us. He handed Derek the key, but not before winking conspicuously. Derek walked back at me and rolled his eyes. "We're in room 4. It only has one bed, I hope that's okay."

It was my turn to roll my eyes. "I thought that was the purpose of us coming here today, silly."

Trudging up the stairs, Derek led the way to the room. When he opened the door, I did not see what I was expecting to see. The king-sized bed lay on a silver frame and was covered by a sheer white canopy that hung from the ceiling. On the wood floor was a white shag carpet that matched the comforter, but nothing more. The rest of the room was covered with modern suede furniture and silver lamps and dressers.

"I think you booked us the honeymoon suite, Derek," I said, making fun of the situation a little as he gaped at the room in front of us.

"I'll kill him," he said quietly.

I walked past him and flopped onto the bed. "I don't know. I think I could get used to this."

"Oh, could you?" he said, finally able to laugh at what had happened. He shut the door behind him and dropped to the ground. He began crawling toward the bed on all fours, looking at me like I was his prey.

"Who's afraid of the big, bad wolf?" I asked, looking down at him as he continued to approach me on the bed.

"You should be, Chloe," he said, returning to the deep, husky voice that I had heard earlier. "You should be very afraid."

Finally, he pounced on top of me, his two arms above my shoulders and his knees on either side of my knees. I was caged in. He found my weakness and went in for the kill, kissing my neck very, very lightly.

Like last night, I moaned again under his ministrations. I'm ashamed to say that I continued to do so for the next five minutes as he kissed me. Wiggling a little underneath him, I realized that I was getting wet. Considering the only pair of underwear I owned at the moment was the pair that I was wearing, I didn't want to get them…dirty.

"Mmmm, Derek?" I said with much difficulty.

"Yes?" he asked, only stopping to say the word, then continued.

"Get off of me," I told him. Only, he took it the wrong way. He thought I meant that I wanted him to stop totally. He back up slowly with a cautious look playing across his face. I took his moment of confusion to flip him over. I needed to be in control now.

Because he's so much bigger than I am, I was able to straddle him without worrying about crushing him under my weight. Once again, I could feel that his friend was ready to come out and play, but he wasn't going to get off that easy. After a quick traditional peck on his lips, I turned my attention to his neck. Only I insisted that his shirt come off, first.

He chuckled quietly as I pulled the baggy t-shirt off. His muscles rippled under my inspection. I gave him a look full of worry. Was he about to change? "I'm fine. I'm just…excited, that's all," he explained with a small smile.

My kisses floated further and further down his torso, first his neck, then his pecs, then his abs. Finally, I found myself at the line of his jeans. I knew I wanted to go further, but I felt that I needed his permission. My blue eyes traced the invisible line that I had just made with my lips up to his face and found that his eyes were shut.

"Derek?" His eyes popped open when I spoke his name. "Can I…?"

Without a word, he simply nodded and my hands shakily found his belt. His eyes closed once more, but his hands covered mine, helping me take his clothes off. It seemed like within seconds, the only thing separating Derek's entire body from my view was his boxers.

Now, I know what you are thinking. This part was no big deal because I'd seen him in his boxers, right? Wrong. So, so wrong. I'd never seen him in his boxers, knowing how much we both cared about each other. I'd never seen him in his boxers so exposed emotionally. I'd never seen him in his boxers when he was ready to be intimate with me.

When I reached for the elastic to pull them down, his hand stopped me. "Not yet," he whispered, his eyes still closed. "You, first."

He flipped on top of me again, his forest green eyes seeing right into my soul as he unzipped the sweatshirt that he bought for me not very long ago. When that was on the floor, my shirt came next, then, my bra. I've always been self-conscious of my body because I'm so much smaller than everybody else, especially the girls in the chest department. I barely had any breasts at all, which was, at the moment, very embarrassing. I lifted my hands to cover myself.

"No, Chloe," he reprimanded me softly. "Don't cover yourself. You're beautiful," he said in the kindest, most loving voice I'd ever heard out of any mans lips in my life. He sounded so heartbreakingly honest that I couldn't help but believe him. I let my arms drop.

His lips traced a similar pattern down my torso as mine did his. He stopped for a moment on each breast, though, planting the softest of kisses on each, making me squirm out of pleasure. My pants came off in the same manner that his did, but when he slid them off, my underwear came with them.

Seeing me totally exposed, Derek sucked in his breath. I really, really hoped that was a good sign. "You're beautiful," he repeated, his voice shaking slightly.

I placed my hand lightly on his forearm, bringing his attention back to my face. "You are too, Derek," I reminded him. As much as I needed to hear him say those things, I think he needed to hear it more.

"I love you," I told him, slowly pulling him free of his underwear.

"I love you, Chloe," he said, not taking his eyes off of mine.

That night, I made love to Derek. And he made love to me. And it was beautiful.

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